so because my mind refuses to shut the fuck off so i can get some shut eye and sleep away half a goddam useless boring day standing in my way like a deer caught in the headlights of a honda civic, i shall try to heave this mass amount of epic mindfuck onto the interweb so that at least maybe then, i can sleep afterwards. ill do what works best and say what i think as i think it.
serious overkill. you may not be perfect but youre perfect for me and thats perfect enough. im a borderline. im a neurotic. i am batshit fucking crazy and only a real martyr could ever stand to be my everything. way to take one for the team like a real man. jees-us! i cant stand me, lord knows what its like being in love with me. you dont even flinch. i have a red mood, you apologize. wtf. you didnt do anything wrong! my mind likes to be a real asshole. i know whats going on but i dont control it. you snap me out of it and i do my best to unsay anything that could be misconstrued as me not loving you.
im so fucking terrified of fucking up. i know your faults and i feel lucky that i am not the one who has to deal with mental shit like you do. you have the dragon tamed i think. just one red mood. one fiery asshole of a red mood. that was before i understood how you work. now i get it. i got a reality check, and seeing as how im a realist, this positive reality is a nice change of pace. i figured myself otiose. apparently not. i hear im awesome and you want nothing more than to be with me always, as gushy and emotional as that is, thats modern romance for you. its so cute its stupid. i love it though, cos as much as i hate it, im a woman, and by default i fucking love it.
ive never been so happy in my life. i never thought anyone would feel more deeply about me than i could know, but you do. its gona be you and me and the cat. one cute little family.
my aunties are gona love you. if they can see how much you give a shit and just want me to be happy, you will have a gold star and an a plus in their books. my aunts are pretty untrusting. they wil trust you though. youll show them you will be better than those who came before. you wont let me down. im really happy youll be there to keep me safe from myself when my grandpa passes, whenever that could be. thats gona be a tsunami. youll be there. youll keep me safe while i am weak.
my birthday is going to be the best. two decades of life suck, completely trumped by the days to come. you said youd buy me whatever i want. well i dont really want anything but you. but i already have you so hopefully ill decide on something. wouldnt wana drive you nuts by not being able to pick. maybe well go to adrenaline or millenium or that other store i heard of, the one with all the rockabilly stuff.
you wont tell me when youll be here. but you know where i work and when. im going to cry when you surprise me. im also going to flying leap you. this is so very relient k “must have done something right”. hey, im not complaining.
oh gee. just remembered you bought me glow in the dark iron fist zombie stompers at your work cos the discount. blaaaaah im so spoiled. i guess if i was going to be a princess, being your princess is what id choose, good thing its what i ended up with!
“you treat me like im a princess im not used to liking that you asked how my day was”
“that cat is going to be spoiled” “so are you :)”
i had to talk to my rich friend to be used to this whole “you drive a camaro etc etc” thing. it helped. im less O.oface about it. money doesnt own me. doesnt own you either, but you have it. not complaining. im glad youre down to earth not a stuck up brat. youre a sweetheart not a snob. amen to that.
i cannot even fathom your affection.
“well i may be just a fool but i know youre just as cool and cool kids they belong together” <3
ps. youre an effing dorkasaur.