Notes On Stalking By D. Matrix

Ok Interwebs,

Heres how it is. I know this is crazy considering I just got broken up with by a total ignorant dipstick last week but, hear me out will ya?

I started talking to this guy online in November while i was dating the dipstick. just normal talk. nothing trashy. My ex dumps me and for some reason, i just wana talk to him.

I just watched four videos of him playing guitar, and when you watch someone with a passion, an introvert expressing themself the way they do best, you see who they are.

I dont believe in coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. My ex was just a way for the world to say “hey kid, so im sorry we had to do that, yknow, get you out here and break your heart, but its the only way youd come and well, it worked. so now were gona show you why youre here! see! a person just for you. He doesnt think youre weird. He doesnt think youre a basketcase. Hes attractive, hes talented. Hes the person just for you.

Well Sir, youre my fucking Bob Dylan. Oh my sweet fuck. Im really hard to impress cos ive been there seen that, but you… youre something else. I WILL make you mine one day. That is a fact and a promise.

I just saw sky atlas and it was pretty hard to follow for the first bit but man do i ever appreciate jim sturgess’ characters. I feel a little enlightened actually, like it really could be true that free will is necessitated and that death is just a door closing so another can open, and that anything meant to be, will always be. forever and ever she said.

ive decided that two decades of horrorstory is quite enough for me. we always get a choice, sure sometimes our options suck, but free will is necessitated anyways, and we all die one way or another so who cares? i am choosing to live for once, i am going to be a good person and one day the best mom to ever walk the earth. i am going to make my mom proud. i know shed be so proud of me. she probably is anyways.

I miss you Máthair, I bring you with me always. Aon rud fánach.

“Not too fancy, thats not our style”

I absolutely adore you. you say “our” like were already married, and you havent even asked me to go with you again yet because you want it to be special and want to take me out, thus how we got onto the topic of money and fancy outtings. “Our” is magic to my ears. Youre so fucking cute.

“Ill be unclean, ill be obscene
and youll be the rest”

I keep seeing these posts about people wishing they could get away. JUST DO IT!

you always get a choice. dont tell me you dont cos i just made that choice again. i was unhappy. so i left.

now im lying here crying because im HAPPY and the feeling is so surreal, so foreign. its so weird being with someone just like you minus all the crazy. it makes me so happy.

this was the best day of my life so far. there are many more to come.

Not all who wander are lost
I simply have nowhere to be
How can i be lost if i dont know where im headed?
I wander, restless
In the hopes that one day
Someone will see me tumbleweed past
And say “Oh no you dont!
Youre staying right here with me.”

Yet another poem by me,
C. Miller, stalkershandbook

Im usually never bothered by the thought of my exes with someone else, i grew up being told by my aunt that it was a good deed to give my used toys ive outgrown to the less fortunate ;) Except that one toy that got donated by accident. yeah, definately got that one back