Notes On Stalking By D. Matrix

i know i have a definate bias towards the rich and what their life must be like. the view from down here makes the grass look like well, grass, not mud like weve got. any logical, honest, intelligent poor person, put in a situation like that of a rich person, well the jokes are how itd be, the only thing youd have to worry about is swimming pool size.

my dear boy and my bff have really helped me see the spectrum objectively. they do have actual problems. their life looks perfect but only from where were standing.

poor people parenting: do as i say or else i just might hit you. rich people parenting: do as i say or else i might disinherit you, and when you do do as i say, well i just might hit you.

my boy got a black eye for leaving after he got kicked out. he got in more trouble for leaving than he did when he got kicked out. hed had to pay a five hundred dollar fine for having alcohol in his backpack at school. he got told they were disappointed and to have all his stuff out by the morning. so he did. he knew he fucked up. he got hit for it.

he is so much braver than i give him credit for. yeah a lot of rich kids are as adaptable as running in highheels (theres only one way to do it and every other way you fall on your face) but when someone has unimaginable amounts of power over you, thats what happens. youre used to firebreathing dragons beating on you. that takes bravery, i respect that.

rich kids, some of you are stuck up bratty snobs (i blame that mostly on bad parenting too) and i hate your guts if youre like that, but youre people too. i believe in equality for all (unless you raped someone. then i hope they take you out back and leave you for dead) and i just wanted to let you know that poor kids feel for you. we feel bad for you just like you feel bad for us. i salute you.

the man and my bff both hate that i sleep on the floor. they hate it so bad. it makes them furious. they get mad when i dont eat and cant sleep cos the floor. so. much. anger.

if you stuck me in my mans position, theyd really be asking for it. im a terribly well behaved child and when i know im getting fucked around i raise hell. i ran away many times to prove a point. money doesnt own me. if they hit me id have left again. been like “later dudes, oh and im filing charges”. i dont care who the fuck you are to me, you have no right or reason to hit me. self defense and competitive fighting are the only acceptable times to be hitting anyone. he should be here with me, but instead hes back there.

yeah theyre his parents. i know that. hes also 18 fucking years old. you dont hit your child for doing what you told them to. just because hes 18 doesnt make that any more ok than hitting a 5 year old or your wife. he belongs here with ME, where it has been made more than obvious that hes human and hes a teenager and teenagers fuck up. its a learning experience. its life. its called forgiveness. hitting only teaches fear and violence. “hey son, i know we told you to leave, but we were just really frustrated and didnt mean it. i apologize for the misunderstanding.” that would have taught him a lot more than a black eye.

i reap what i sow, i get what i deserve. logic and honesty, the only reasons im a decent human being.

for everything there is a price, and every payment shall be equal, no more no less.

i gave forgiveness, even if they are not sorry, and by sorry i mean an apology backed by actions that prove it. in that forgiveness i dropped all loathing i had for them. i sent them a smileyface. they thought i was fucking with them. i sent them a happy birthday message, although facebook had not notified me of their birthday because we are not friends. that happy birthday turned into them realizing how they fucked up by losing a logical, loyal, honest intelligent friend. they realized life was a lot less shitty with me in it. my happy birthday was the only not shitty part of their birthday. theyre aware of how my situation took a turn for the better, and its because i get what i deserve.

your decisions were made by you, do not regret them no matter how bad they were, thats lunacy. if you dont want to regret something, dont do it. just remember, to win you need to play the game. life is just a bunch of yes/no questions. free will is also necessitated. you couldnt have done things differently, and you chose to do what you did.

you may ask, “what did i do to deserve all this shit?”. did you ever once think that maybe, just maybe you were paying in advance? im glad i got shit first and happy later. i can appreciate my happiness instead of mourning my loss. not to mention, happiness first means you dont get to appreciate it, you dont know the difference.

and trust me, the difference is huge. when youre stuck with unfortunate bullshit for twenty years, a hatful of love feels like an ocean.

love yourself. no one else is going to if you dont. if you do, someone else just might too.

yours truly, the internet’s gf D.Matrix